fic amnesty, aka hard drive exorcism

[mrspollifax]

I have a few things I really need to admit are not ever going to get finished so I can get them off my hard drive. Here is one of them!

So, eons ago I posted a timestamp meme because I wanted to make a_loquita do one too, and managed to do some of the prompts but left several hanging out there incomplete. Mostly they were trying to be more story than they were supposed to be (it was a timestamp meme!!) but all of them ran into some snag or other. This particular request was by codo1019, for something after A Cappella. Which, by the way, is the first fic I ever finished and posted anywhere, and I might be a teensy bit neurotic about it. Like, I can't actually make myself re-read it, which makes writing a timestamp meme response for it kind of complicated. *g* No, seriously, I just tried to make this one into a longer story when it really wasn't meant to be, so I am posting this snippet and calling it done.

The Silence after the Song
Sam/Jack, Angst, UST, not at all my usual fluff.



The colonel catches her in the parking lot, puts his hand on her shoulder to turn her when she won't look at him.

It's the first time she's left the mountain for home in days. Her medical checks are completed, her paperwork filed, the team's debriefing put to bed, and she'd thought she was through; but apparently she didn't account for this final hurdle. She casts her eyes up at the sky before she lets him pull her around to face him.

The horizon's starting to grey with the dawn.

They've been strictly professional in the weeks since their indiscretion. Sam calls it that to herself, an indiscretion, because thinking about it in any other terms makes her stand too close and stare too long and yearn to do it again and again, and there's nothing about feeling that way that isn't a bad idea.

So she calls it an indiscretion, and she very carefully doesn't consider what he might be calling it as they carry out even the smallest interaction by form, not a smile out of place, all her 'sirs' and his 'Carters' spit-polished and lined up in perfect formation.

But this mission was bad, physically painful with a side helping of Sam on the business end of a hand device and the rest of the team forced to watch. And she can see what he's still feeling when she meets his gaze, in the tightness under his eyes and the furrow in his brow and the slight, slight tilt of his head.

While his fingers linger on her shoulder, his eyes drop away from hers, slip that little bit down; she bites her lips together against the memory that simple look awakens.

He might as well have kissed her again, because she's on fire anyway.

"You all right?" he asks.

All she can do is nod; she's still working on forcing her lungs to expand and contract while he's looking at her that way. Any way.

"Need anything?"

She takes a deep breath and, like the good officer she is, throws every remaining ounce of energy she has into looking like she doesn’t need his concern. "I'm good." She pastes on a smile.

"Carter," he says, slowly, "you don't have to ...."

She doesn't have to what? Pretend she's fine, go home, do this alone? She turns away before the worry in his voice can undo all her resolve.

It isn't until much, much later that she wonders if she was supposed to hear something else in his words.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she tosses over her shoulder as she takes the last few steps to her car.

"Right," he answers. "Tomorrow."

She slams the door before she has a chance to change her mind.

Comments

[ziparumpazoo]

You know, this is really great all on its own.

You always create these moments that have me holding my breath while I read them because they're just so precise. Exorcise more. :)
*squishes you and this fic*

[mrspollifax.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hon. There should be more, but letting go is very difficult so we'll see. :)

[holdouttrout.livejournal.com]

One of the best parts about this snippet--besides the awesome angst and weariness that Sam has here, which is totally awesome--is that it brought me back to A Capella, which is total love.

[mrspollifax.livejournal.com]

Hee, thanks. That's very nice of you to say. I'm really just inexplicably irrational about that particular fic, lol.

[holdouttrout.livejournal.com]

I have quite a few fics that I feel irrational about myself, mostly when I think I could do them better now... *sighs*

[supplyship.livejournal.com]

Mmmmm, delicious angst. Love this: So she calls it an indiscretion, and she very carefully doesn't consider what he might be calling it

[mrspollifax.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Unrelatedly, that icon is gorgeous.

[a-loquita.livejournal.com]

Oh this is just lovely! I'm so glad that you decided to share and I hope there will be more.

(And I had forgotten about that meme! hee. You are the evil one after all, now that I think about it.)

[mrspollifax.livejournal.com]

Yep, I am evil. Or at least, you win, because you finished yours. I freely concede, lol.

And thanks! :)

(does evil Castle mean no more Dr. Evil??)

[a-loquita.livejournal.com]

I wasn't trying to guilt you into conceding! Actually, I was thinking that we should do this meme again.

(Still here, just with minions now *g*)

[mrspollifax.livejournal.com]

You and Zip can do the meme this time. I can't write my way out of the proverbial paper bag at the moment. :)

(*snort*)

[arafel-sedai.livejournal.com]

OH darn! Supplyship stole my word.... Delicious!

...now I don't think I've read A Capella...so I am off to figure that out... ;-)

[mrspollifax.livejournal.com]

Hee, thanks! :)

[artaxastra.livejournal.com]

Poor Sam! She does need him so much, doesn't she? And of course she can't ask for him. So beautifully in character.

[mrspollifax.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :)

[thothmes.livejournal.com]

After all those times when the writers for the series have given us the incomplete conversation where Sam and Jack successfully fill in the blanks for each other, it is refreshing to see an instance (because they must have them, even though they read each other well) when she is left wondering how the sentence would have answered if she hadn't cut him off.

You say you might be a teensy bit neurotic about A Cappella, so I will post this here, where you won't be forced to scroll through it to get to what I have to say when you get your notification. I think it is a fine piece, and nothing to be concerned about. I particularly like the phrase "and the echo of no contact between them was ringing rather loudly in his ears, as well as the slow and incremental way they approach sticking their toes (or, I suppose, lips) across that line, and the way the gentler resolution in this piece leads to the more discordant one in this piece, because I think that is the way it would work out. At first Sam would still be just enough in the moment, but later she would have too much time to think.

[mrspollifax.livejournal.com]

At first Sam would still be just enough in the moment, but later she would have too much time to think.

Yes, this, exactly. That analytical side eventually gets control and goes nuts with the second guessing. :)

Also, I totally thought I replied to this, sorry. But thank you!